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NANA YAA ASABEA: new breed of “side chics” are also married

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She saw affection and fire and gravitated towards it… he saw a beautiful smile and couldn’t let go.

We sometimes imagine certain things we wish existed in our relationships/marriages.  Most of us are guilty of having these hidden fantasies which gets even worse when we notice other couples possess and flaunt what we so secretly desire in our personal lives.

We are pretty much fortunate when we end up with people who possess between 70% – 80% of the traits/qualities we so much crave for but our insatiable demands always succeed in convincing us that what we really need, which is the remaining 20% – 30%, lies in a different person; forgetting that the new person we’re clinging to will also be missing on some percentages on the score board … and that is what creates the mess we mostly find ourselves in.

Lizzy had it all in her marriage until she met Mr. Kelvin Greene, a married renowned successful chef who rubbed shoulders with crème-de-la-crème of the society. She on the other hand was married to Osei Patrick, a humble carpenter with an amazing physique who did everything in his power to keep her happy and satisfied as a husband should. She always imagined a better and comfortable life for her and her husband but it was almost as if God was deaf to her constant prayers of petition; but she never complained or nagged about their situation to her husband. She played the role of happy homey wife until another man opened up a door she never knew was tightly shut in her life.

“Madam, please how long do you intend on standing in the same spot? Did you lose anything?” asked a shop attendant aggressively after noticing how long Lizzy gazed at the beautiful pair of Christian louboutin heels sitting perfectly on the counter.  “Oh I’m sorry” she responded, I just thought they were very pretty and couldn’t take my eyes off them. I’ll be taking my leave now.” She turned to make way for the exit when her path was blocked by a tall dark handsome man in a fancy pair of jeans and a polo shirt. “Ah! I see you love those shoes. You can have them if you want.” She smiled at him, turned down the offer and hurriedly dashed for the door. He pursued and managed to convince her to at least exchange contact with him so they could catch up sometime for “coffee”. She smiled again said, “You certainly are a stubborn one aren’t you? Well…yeah sure. We could do that.” He got her a cab home and headed back to the shop.

After four long days, they finally met up one morning at a lounge after Lizzy had dropped her children at school; which implied that she had the rest of the day to herself as her hubby was busy carving and nailing things in his mini carpentry shop. Kelvin complimented her great smile and narrated how he was drawn to her at the fashion shop after noticing how the attendant nearly embarrassed her. “You do have a beautiful smile by the way, it’s rare. Most women find it hard these days to smile effortlessly like you do. They actually do need a tangible reason to wear a smile nowadays. So when we see one of such rare gems out here in a state of emergency, we just have to go to her rescue.” He said. Lizzy expressed her appreciation and didn’t quite land with that when Kelvin, chipped in with an introduction on his identity and societal and marital status… yeah he had a wife and two adorable children.

They had an amazing chemistry which was just undeniable! They had similar interests, they were both married and their laughter was in sync. They both enjoyed each other’s company couldn’t just get enough of each other. To her, that was something she never had with her husband; it seemed Kelvin had awoken a different side of her, a side she thought she never had. Kelvin started taking Lizzy out for rides, beach strolls and grocery shopping (which she always attributed to her savings with the daily ‘susu’ company); in the eyes of Patrick, her husband, Lizzy was just out visiting old friends and family so he wasn’t perturbed. Before they (Lizzy and Kelvin) realized, they had grown fond of eachother so much that, they couldn’t go a day without speaking to eachother. One afternoon, Kelvin made his growing emotions obvious to Lizzy when he planted a gentle kiss on her lips. She returned that kiss almost immediately and whispered his name, “Kel, I knew you felt it too. That spark, that fire you brought back into my life. I wasn’t wrong and I’m glad the feeling is mutual. I don’t know where this is going but I’m ready to ride with you.” He responded with a longer kiss and said, “Just be mine Liz, I want you.”

Kelvin rented an apartment in town where they could both meet to carry out their selfish pleasures whenever they needed to. This went on for years and is still going strong! She introduced Kelvin to her husband as an investor who was willing to invest and expand his business so as to not raise any form suspicion if he or anyone else spotted them together in town by chance.  Both have further agreed not to divorce their partners to just keep them happy and also to avoid all the drama associated with it.

Seems like Kelvin found what Vivian (his wife), allegedly wasn’t giving him at home. To him, a real welcoming smile and great natural conversation makes up for his stressful daily life and Vivian was quite the opposite. Sure he had overlooked her nurturing/nursing abilities, her great mothering skills and incredible business ideas and initiatives she always churned out for him. Liz found the fire, comfort and that “extra special something” she wished her husband had. She found a phenomenal guy who was in touch with his emotions and showed her constant care and affection. She could no longer see her husband’s fidelity, hardwork and undeniable love for her… she’s seen the light now. They recently celebrated their fifth anniversary privately in their cozy rented apartment with a home cooked meal and long cuddles.

Well, single guys and girls aren’t threats to marriages anymore… some married folks now play the role of the “side-piece” pretty well, making it seem as their second marriage outside their original marital home. We live in a “micro wave” generation where broken things aren’t fixed anymore. We drop whatever is broken and set out to find another replacement before we get swallowed in our very own loneliness. Perhaps, the vows should be altered to “till unhappiness and boredom do us part.”

The new side chics are sadly also married!

 

By: Nana Yaa Asabea// source: asabeaowusu.com // email: nayascolumn@gmail.com

 

 

 

 

 

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Guest Blog - The Other View

OSEI KWAME Writes: “The Woman Behind” – How men must view monogamous relationships

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Ace radio man, Osei Kwame, of Citi FM’s mid-morning belt, “Brunch in the Citi”, submits a profound perspective on the place of the woman in a love union, and success, ultimately. In the essay, and drawing on personal experience, the respected OAP dissects the popular 1940s idiom, “behind every great man is a great woman”, and the peculiar connotation it has taken on over the years.  

 

Read the entire piece below:

Before you even begin reading this — if you’ve made it past the heading, note that this is the writer’s view on men’s relationship with women; in this case, an exclusive relationship, a partnership or marriage.

There are many schools of thought on what the relationship between a man and a woman should be. It’s 2018, and I don’t know how the following notion; “behind every successful man, is a woman”, comes up in any conversation regarding fruitful relationships. Whenever I hear that statement, a few questions pop to mind; why behind? What’s she doing there? Why not beside or even in front?

I think of that statement in its literal sense. I imagine running a marathon, or taking on a challenge and, instead of having my woman by me, she’s behind me cheering me on, she’s behind. I can’t see her. I can only hear her. That for me is a no-no! It wouldn’t be long till I click my heels and fall face flat or look back and probably hit my toe on a rock because her voice got quieter and, being the compulsive worrier, I turn to see if she is okay. Nah!

When I think of starting a relationship, I think of forming a long-lasting, mutually beneficial partnership. A partnership oo! That in itself implies 50/50 –although I choose to think in this case 100/100 because if you’re not all in, why are you here in the first place?

This also means that one isn’t leading while the other follows. There’s no head of the home. It takes two heads, two hearts, two bodies on one long journey. We’re equal partners. We’re in this sh** together. And man, if you’ve ever had to deal with group assignments, you would know that you do not want to be the only one handling everything. A smarter partner increases your chances of acing the test.

So why should any man in his right mind feel that they need a “dumber” partner? This is what you want for the rest of your life? To carry EVERYTHING on your shoulder and end up being bitter and unpleasant to your family?

Even if we choose to look at this via “Dark Age” lenses, I think it makes more sense to have your light bearer walk by your side; to show you the way. You clear the path while the torch shines bright in front of you. You protect your light bearer as you bear the arms since you’re so keen on assigning roles.

The thing is, she may be a better swordsman while you are a better light maker and bearer. The earlier you start seeing the partnership as equal and mutually beneficial, the better for your long journey ahead is all I’m saying.

Choose wisely.

 

 

 

 

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NANA YAA ASABEA: Date with a purpose

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A colleague of mine once said that, our generation is characterized by people who find pleasure in flings and things than staying committed to one person in a relationship, and she couldn’t have said better.

People value flings and can be in an undefined relationship for a long while without it eating up their conscience. Other group of people can lead two or more partners on and like a game, they would go on and spin the wheel till it lands on one person they would then consider as a partner; but what happens to the others?  Some others can pretend to love or care for you for as long as you keep the sex coming in and when they get tired of you, you’re reminded of how “not good enough” you are or how something you did in the past is still eating them up and blah blah blah!  Have we lost our values and great morals as a generation? How come it’s so easy to play with the emotions of humans than we play with dolls?

“I’m not ready for a relationship but we can be together” they say.  So how do we now define the period of being together? Just hanging?  Friends with benefit? Huh! That’s another thing we are very much obsessed with. We want the “company” but not the “commitment.” We really want to fit into the order of the new world that we don’t value the existence of others as human beings.

“I can have a girlfriend but that doesn’t mean I’m going to marry her,” “I can be with that guy but just to while away time,” have we suddenly grown cold and heartless that we take pride in seeing how others shed tears for us? Some people can have a “thing” with others for years without the intent of ever making it official. Has it got to do with our social status? Our association with the new people in our circle? Our jobs? What society demands of us? Or we’re just basically stupid? People are led on to build their lives around others with hopes of tying the knot one day and there comes the unexpected news of them being the “side piece” all along. I mean, why disrespect the emotions of others for your own selfish gains when you had every opportunity to let them off the hook from the beginning? That’s somebody’s future wife/husband you’re messing with.

I get it; the fear of being alone drives us to get involved with people we wouldn’t even hook up with in our right senses. We succumb to the invisible pressures of the society to turn dating into a hobby or to prove a point to people (who do not really care about us) that we are “living the life,” which still doesn’t give us the right to categorize people into “Options.” If you’re certain about one person, then stick with them through it all without preying on the emotions of other innocent people to waste their youthful years with deceit for your own personal gains.

Or perhaps we’ve lost our sense of spirituality to an extent that we do not recognize God anymore and disdain his creations (other humans). Well, if we still acknowledged the existence of the Supreme Being and lived our lives to please nobody but HIM, our value for life, people and relationships would improve.

Dating without the intent of marriage is just like driving with no destination. Choose a girlfriend/boyfriend because you see a future with them; they should be a potential spouse which would in turn demand that you treat them with utmost respect. Before you set the bed ablaze with romance, ensure that you define whatever it is between you and whoever is involved. Be sure that you see a wife or a husband figure who wouldn’t only look good physically but would feel good to you spiritually … now that’s key! Choosing to be with one person in a defined relationship with trust, love and respect doesn’t make you lame; that’s a whole new level of maturity and sexiness, embrace it!

So can we all quit with the “cool” crappy norms of today and date with meaning? Life is too short to play games. Grow up!

 

Credit: Nana Yaa Asabea

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Guest Blog - The Other View

 The Man “Self – Tasked” to Break Barriers Through Sportswear [interview]

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By Nana Yaa Asabea

 

It was a cold evening in the streets of Accra – Ghana, where I made my way up the elevator to the eight floor of One Airport Square, one of the breathtaking edifices in the capital.

I was welcome at the reception by Mayniak Sportswear boss himself, Abdul Rashid Zakari. Dressed in a pair of jeans and spectacles, the young entrepreneur chose a simple look today, like he often does.

Backed by a team two other ambitious men who took it upon themselves about three years ago to create a strong  brand which would redefine the sports image of Ghana and Africa to the rest of the world. Despite being faced with a major funding issue, the team of three, “crazily” fought the odds to grow and push the idea of building a kit providing empire.

With his background in marketing and advertising, Mr. Zakari penetrated the sports sector to serve as brand marketing and advertising person for a huge football club. He was later challenged to speak to some major clothing brands outside Africa to seek sponsorship for the very sports club he worked with which in turn became the very first contract he received as a company.

As devoted as he was to his “calling,” Rashid carefully scrutinized the jerseys which were then used by the team only to realize its low quality. This ignited a spark in him to urgently get in touch with international brands like Nike, Puma and Adidas who laid out almost similar terms and conditions for Rashid to comply; this paved way for the solidification of his company. His passion and devotion in his field and desire to place Ghana on the global sports map earned him the “maniac” tag which he gladly embraced and branded his company with.

The young sports “maniac” was born and raised in Nima, and studied at the Chartered institute of Marketing (CIM-UK) and the sports Business Institute of Barcelona. Per his love for sports, he developed a passion to help grow African football clubs to become commercially marketable and stable. The sports brand prides itself of producing kits for the Liberty Professionals football club among others, which has laid a firm foundation for other achievements to follow suit.

The company aims at working in hand with other teams and brands towards achieving the common goal of selling sports from Africa to the rest of the world.

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#PromucorpCorner with dj ALjahZEEra: Media Gatekeepers; insights for upcoming & mainstream musicians”.

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Media Gatekeepers – they’re the ones who decide whether or not your music is worthy enough to earn massive exposure. They’re the bloggers, the radio DJs, the music supervisors, A&R execs at major labels, prominent artist managers, radio station program directors, music magazine editors, big venue talent buyers, playlist curators, etc. The ones who decide which artists get their songs heard. And they’re the people that most musicians often can’t seem to figure out.

Once you start to learn about people in positions of power, you begin to see that they’re not nearly as hard to decipher as you might have thought. Figuring them out doesn’t mean, however, that getting them to listen to your music will be easy, but it does mean that you’ll have a better chance of getting through to them. So to help you break down the walls, here are a few things to keep in mind about these music industry “gatekeepers.”

Those in the industry who have the ability to break new artists might have important jobs or large audiences, but for the most part, they’re pretty normal people. What makes them special is not that they’re different from us, but that they’re just like us. Even though we all enjoy playing and listening to music, we each have our own individual tastes and preferences that inform how we act as musicians and music lovers.

The same applies to music industry gatekeepers, and not just in the sense of what style of music they like. Some people like to stream tracks while others prefer digital downloads. Some like to communicate on social media while others prefer email. Some will read your press releases while others will throw them straight in the trash. On top of that, these preferences are often exclusive. If there’s a music supervisor who only likes to stream songs and you send them a download link, there’s a pretty good chance that they’ll never listen to your song – not because they have anything against you, but simply because they don’t like downloading music.

So if you want to get in touch with someone in the music industry, learn how they like to be contacted, learn how they like to listen to music, and learn what sort of music they’re interested in. This will give you a much better chance of not only getting on their radar, but making a strong first impression as well.

If you take the busy-ness factor into consideration, learning the preferences of the person you’re trying to contact becomes all the more important. Some never read press releases, so sending him / her one would be a waste of not only his / her time but your time as well. And instead of reading press releases, some decide which albums to listen to based on their cover art. So if you want your track to be played together with all songs considered, investing in good cover art design would make a lot more sense before hiring a publicist.

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#PromucorpCorner with dj ALjahZEEra: “THE STREAMING ECONOMY”

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Traditionally, radio was the most important way for fans to discover music and new artists. While it is still a highly relevant medium in today’s transitional phase of the music business, another discovery tool’s relevance is increasing rapidly: the playlist. The two largest streaming services, Spotify and Apple Music, both make heavy use of curated and/or algorithmically created playlists which help their users to discover new music.

And those playlists can be highly influential. Spotify’s famous hip-hop playlist RapCaviar, which Vulture once called “the most influential playlist in music”, for instance has almost 10 million followers as of writing this (for comparison’s sake: Dancehall Official, Spotify’s biggest dancehall playlist has just above 500,000 followers). A song that ends it way onto it can easily blow up, as happened last year with rapper Lil UziVert’s XOTour Llif3.The track was voted “Song of the Summer” at the 2017 VMAs and peaked at #10 of the Billboard Hot 100 charts – all without any significant airplay on radio.

So, artists that want to build a career in the streaming age need to master new challenges. First, they need to establish relationships with the relevant curators who can drive listens and break artists. Moreover, they need to develop tactics to engage their fans and turn them into regular streamers.This might start with the music itself, include innovative release strategies, and also the use of social media to drive repeat listens. As the rules of the game change, so do the moves that win big. And it doesn’t necessarily require major label power behind it. If you search the web for success stories of DIY artists or those signed at independent labels, you will find that innovative, clever teams have a real opportunity.

The key, however, is to not solely rely on streaming revenues but to make it part of a broader strategy. Due to the way streaming revenues are distributed among rights owners, the biggest artists in terms of overall plays make the most money. For smaller acts, it can be a challenging environment. Thus, artists in a niche genre like reggae might find it even harder to create revenue from streams than from sales. Still, streaming presents an opportunity even to them. One key benefit that comes with streaming music is very good data about the audience. Clever teams, for instance, use insights like the cities in which an act is most popular to plan successful tours.

The precise structure of the optimal business varies from artist to artist but the streaming economy makes controlling all parts of it in an integrated manner more desirable than ever, especially in a “global niche” like reggae.

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#PromucorpCorner with dj ALjahZEEra: THE MUSIC BUSINESS!

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The music business is a high-risk business. It is driven by profits that are often elusive to the very music artists who generate revenues for record companies and those who work in the various capacities and occupations that comprise and sustain the music industry. The music that we listen to as fans or music lovers is packaged, sold, processed and viewed as “product” by industry professionals.

These professionals, who all serve different functions, are directly or indirectly responsible for the sale of that product or the support of the artist whose talent it embodies. The successful marketing and promotion of music artists and their product enable record companies to supply more products and financially back more music artists.

This is the most important function of a record company, and the greatest benefit of having a record deal to most music artists. Feeding the demand for a music artist, or a particular style of music, motivates record companies to supply more of that type of music, and those types of artists. (Ever wondered why there is so much rap music in the marketplace? Ever wondered why so many female singers look like models now?)

These sales are achieved through creative and consistent marketing efforts by professionals who are dedicated to achieving that end result. These results are greatly enhanced by the various strategic angles that are devised and implemented on all levels and facets of the entertainment industries which overlap with the music industry (Television commercials, guest appearances, live performances, soundtracks, etc.)

Research has concluded, and history will show, that when an entrepreneurial approach is taken by competent professionals who are trying to claim their share in this worldwide 50 billion dollar industry, the prospects of obtaining otherwise elusive profits are increased dramatically. When operating knowledge of the industry is met with ample financial backing, success is almost assured.

The music industry thrives on newness. New artists; new product; new labels, and new venues. They are all an inextricable part of the canvas that dreams and fantasies are painted on. Unfortunately, the magic potion that turns them into reality is money. Most newcomers are high on ambition, and low on finances. Many cling to the mysterious notion that they just simply have to find an investor who they will make rich in exchange for their generosity despite the incredibly high rate of financial failure, which is estimated that only 2 out of 10 CD’s on the market will actually make a profit.

Record labels have long been considered the home of music artists. The relationship they once forged was similar to that of a parent and a child. Now that child has become a rebellious runaway. The abundance of independent labels and independent artists are tangible proof of this phenomenon and new business model.

Fundamentally, some music artists are more educated on the music business, but the intricacies of “major label” success remain hidden in the inner sanctum of corporations who have finely tuned operating systems and an abyss of resources to maintain the status quo.

Financially, the music industry is tainted by perplexing, convoluted, and antiquated accounting practices. Royalty statements tend to be inaccurate and the proficiency in calculating them is often suspect. There are stark discrepancies in the amount of money generated, and the amount of money earned. This is partly due to a host of deductions that music artists are unaware of. Performing live (touring) has been, and still is, the most reliable method of generating income since the inception of the music industry.

For professionals, employment is often hard to come by. The entrepreneur has the upper-hand in terms of making money because they aggressively pursue and/or create income opportunities by providing useful, beneficial, or luxury services to others who will use them to establish, increase, maintain their success, or protect their business interests.All professionals in the music industry are really in the service business, just as all music artists are really in the sales business.

In the music industry, opportunities that are replete with value demonstrated and perceived, obvious and not so obvious, are the ones that are capitalized on by aggressive entrepreneurs, visionaries, middlemen, and newcomers alike. For most, achieving success in the music industry is really no different than achieving success in other industries: it is a result of supplying product for which there is a demand and/or creating a demand for a unique product or service that only you can supply.

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