The trending social media debate on whether or not a woman should step up her game to propose to a man she finds attractive has been going on for quite a while now and what I found surprising were the number of women who were literally prepared to embark on this proposal spree without considering the necessary implications and precautions.
There’s an old Ghanaian Adage which says, “3ny3 dompe na 3hwehw3 Kraman, na Kraman na 3hwehw3 dompe,” which simply translates to “the bone doesn’t go in search for a dog but the dog rather goes in search for a bone.” Let me not pretend, I used to agree with the trending “women propose to your boo ideology” but upon second thoughts I discovered how it would do us women more harm than good if we conformed to this new trend. Picture these two scenarios, “a beautiful young lady goes down on her knees, pulls out a ring from her clutch and pops the question to her supposed boo who reacts by jumping and screaming out “YES I DO”… “A young pretty girl in her mid twenties has known this gentleman for quite a while now. They’re quite close and talk to each other quite often but the guy hasn’t got the nerve to ask her out and one day, she walks to him and say ‘Kofi, I’m really in love with you and I want you to be my boyfriend.’ … how does these two scenarios even come to play in the first place? They’re absolutely wrong in every perspective! I mean it’s okay to drop some hints here and there to signal the man in question that you’re ready for some committed action in order for him to confidently follow suit.
Enough of my runnings in circles, now, listed below are my personal reasons why no woman should ever propose the idea of being in a relationship or even marriage to a man!
- You come off as cheap and desperate – Trust me ladies, the man you’d boldly walk up to express your feeling of affection to would be the first to call you names when things begin to turn sour. You’ll never be good enough for a man who isn’t ready for commitment so going up to him to pop that question would only put him in a really tight and unpleasant corner with your desperation especially if he’s the “Mr. Nice guy” kind of person and isn’t bold enough to turn you down. He would feel forced to accept something he’s not prepared for and GIRLS… Be rest assured that you’ll forever be the topic of discussion for him and his friends when the ‘issue of a cheap and desperate woman is being discussed’. Boys kasa paaa!
- You lose your worth as a woman – What’s more beautiful than a man walking boldly to the woman he’s admired for years to express his emotions Be it through a kiss, a long intimate conversation, via text (which is not quite proper and advisable) etc? It creates a feeling of importance and appreciation within the woman and in addition, it confers some kind of prestige and honor on you. Don’t listen to those friends who’re pushing to propose to that dude because you’ll only end up being in that mess alone at the end of the day. Just keep dropping hints, STRONG and OBVIOUS hints he’d never have a reason to doubt your desire for him.
- You take away his sense of manhood – ladies; let’s focus on the men for a second shall we? We always desire to have them appear manly and able to make bold decisions and stand up for themselves but the moment we initiate a decision as bold as being in a committed relationship, we switch places with them and end up making almost every decision that comes with it because the entire journey was “your idea in the first place.” The man now becomes at liberty to do whatever he wants and you would have to control and tolerate him and all the nonsense he cooks up for you because you’re now the MAN and he’s your Woman!
- That’s not in God’s order of creation – There is a reason why, God created Man before creating woman out of the rib of man for companionship sake. When Adam awoke from his slumber and saw Eve, He shouted; “This is the bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh.” This clearly shows how Adam was trying to use all the vibes and lyrics in his ancient vocabulary to lure Eve into his love den and Eve being the first woman would obviously drop some hints to give Adam the Go ahead and confidence to approach her.
And to my final point…
- To prevent any future “I didn’t want this in the first place, you did.” – In as much as Women are considered natural ‘shock absorbers’, it would be undeniably heart breaking to hear your man say to you in the midst of a misunderstanding that “this relationship wasn’t my idea in the first place, it was yours.” Sister girl! Regardless of how strong you feminism is, you heart would definitely miss a beat. Back at the University of Ghana, I overheard a gentleman tell his friends after having an argument with his woman, “Yolanda nags too much. She’s always complaining about things should have been this way instead of the other… I really don’t know what she wants from me but I can’t keep up with that, after all, she was the one who proposed to me.” I wasn’t the girl in question but my heart was definitely broken after hearing a man disrespect a sister before his friends.
I’m always about dropping down STRONG hints for the guy I have eyes for to take note and understand the language I’m trying to speak and when they feel the same way, they come up boldly to do what they’re supposed to and I think more women should try this move rather than humiliate themselves by following the so-called trend of the 21st century. It’s okay to be abreast with time but don’t lose your worth doing so!
I rest my case!
By: Nana Yaa Asabea//facebook: Naya’s column// instagram: @naya_233// email: email@example.com