The most painful goodbyes are the ones that are never said and never explained. – unknown.
This week on Naya’s column, our letter for discussion is from Priscilla Ahingua; a National service personnel with one of the renowned construction firms in Ghana. Before we get to it permit me to say that the most common mistake we make as women is not being able to identify the men who genuinely loves us.
We normally find ourselves turning our backs to the genuine men paving way for the ones who are only ready to twist and hurt our emotions without an iota of the desired love and respect. Believe it or not there are still tons of good men out there who are seeking for that one girl to spend their lives with but because of the invisible criteria we ladies of the ‘social media influenced 21st century’ have created for our supposed “Mr Perfect” we tend to blindly push away the good guys with these popular and over used excuses “he’s too nerdy”, “he has bad breath”, “he’s not well built enough”, “he has a big head” or “he’s not as handsome as this or that”, “he can’t approach me so I care less” etc. these are all useless and irrelevant. We should get to that point where we’ll understand that no one human being can be classified as the “total package.” let me give you a little secret ladies, there are no men as sweet and loving as the NERDY ones, believe me.
Priscilla got careless and exhibited such 21st century nonsense when she met Michael Wiafe, A simple decent guy who was a student at the Pope John’s Senior High school and Seminary. Priscilla on the other hand was then a student at the St. Roses Girls’ school. They met at an inter school soccer competition when both were in their final years and Michael immediately took a liking to her. He was too shy to approach her so sent someone to get that for him. She wrote “it was soon time for vacation and after being convinced for the 1000th time, I agreed to meet up with Michael at his Achimota residence to get to know him. We shared a few drinks and had a pretty lengthy chat till late and there, I realized that regardless of the fact that he was the perfect definition of a gentleman, He didn’t quite have great facial features and that was a total turn off for me. I couldn’t even picture myself kissing him or making love to him… so gross! It was almost time for me to go and Michael brought out upon noticing that brought out a present from under his pillow and handed it to me. Gosh! … It was the most beautiful necklace I had ever seen; He placed it around my neck and planted a soft unexpected kiss on my lips. She continued, “Not a day went by without Mike calling or texting to check on me but I still wasn’t moved. He was okay but he didn’t have the extra good looks to make him my prince charming. He however kept in touch and never ceased to make me feel good about myself… He did everything in his might to prove that he truly loved me. My holidays were perfect with Michael! He bought me gifts, introduced me to his single mum and siblings, his friends and never hesitated to tell anyone that I was his Queen… but it still wasn’t enough. Fast forward, I graduated and gained admission to the Kwame Nkrumah University of science and Technology and Michael gained entry to the Nation’s premier University, University of Ghana. Before admissions came out, I had four (4) months to relax and get myself together. The greatest mistake I made was to cheat on the only man who ever truly loved me with his best friend Dennis. I met Dennis on one of my visits to Michael’s end; he was a dark skinned guy with the perfect set of teeth and the cutest and pink-ish lips I had ever seen. His eyes were like fire which never stopped burning the core of my soul, his abs were perfectly ripped like a wire mesh and his muscles could be likened to that of Dwayne ‘the rock’ Johnson. … Now that’s my kind of man! I thought to myself.
“He waited for the perfect time when Michael wasn’t looking and slipped his card into my already opened purse; we started a conversation and the rest was history. Dennis knew his way around my body and gave the satisfaction I knew I could never have with Mike, his ‘head game was strong and pleased me enough to discover that I even had a g- spot all these while. This went on for about two months but what I didn’t know was, Mike was already aware that I was in talks with Dennis but had no idea we were already getting down and dirty. According to Dennis, Mike walked up to him one day and said ‘I know you’re seeing my girl but please do well not to have sex with her because I’m saving her up for a better day when the condition is right to do so.’ And right after that, he walked off with a smile. After a while, Mike somehow discovered that I was already sleeping with Dennis and out of sadness and disappointment he broke up with me but I couldn’t be perturbed. Dennis however started withdrawing from whatever it was that we had and made no time for me. After a whole semester of being in another unsuccessful relationship, I realized how stupid I had been to have done what I did to Mike. I gathered courage and called him one weekend while I was back home on vacation to beg him to take me back but I heard the unexpected. He interrupted my apology and said ‘Pee, I have been thinking about it too and I figured that I wasn’t fair to you. I haven’t been able to move on and I want us to start over again… we all make mistakes and I am sorry for lashing out at your weakness. I love you!’ what did I ever do deserve such a good guy? Sometimes I guess you have to accept your prince charming in whatever package they come. We scheduled to meet up the following weekend at his new Taifa residence to make up for lost times but due to some family emergencies I failed to show up but forgot to call Mike to inform him about the inconvenience. He stayed up all night waiting for me but because I didn’t show up without a reason, he decided to go hang out with his buddies in town. Upon return, He had a fatal accident on the Alajo highway and sustained various internal injuries. He went into a comma for three (3) days and finally gave up. Michael died basically because I failed to show up! I killed him Naya! I have never been at Peace and though I tried moving on, I must say that no man had ever loved me as truly as he did. I focused so much on his imperfect looks and wasted so much time with absolute nonsense. I still think about him so much and if only he were alive I believe I would have been married by now. I am now 26 and still can’t find that love I got from Mike with any other man. Please share my story so the young ladies out there can take a cue from it. Thanks Naya.”
So there you have it ladies… Mr. Right would never come with a 100% package of perfection. He may be handsome and have no time for you or may be Ugly and have all the time in the world for you, He might even have a big head or nose with some crooked ears but once you weigh his negatives and positives you’d realize that hey! He’s not so bad after all! Do away with the unnecessary “must haves” and take your man whichever way they come before it’s too late. May be you won’t lose him to death but someone else might take him away and make you realize what you missed out on. If you find that your Prince is too shy to approach you please don’t wait for Jesus to come and push him towards you, sister! Just quit with the nonsense feminist pride, step up your game and propose to him. Time waits for no man!
By: Nana Yaa Asabea // facebook: Naya’s column// email: firstname.lastname@example.org// instagram: @naya_233